On an old episode of The Simpsons, Kent Brockman opined, "I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply doesn't work." When it comes to planning a party, he's absolutely right. Have you ever been to an office party that was planned by committee? Nine times out of ten such parties are awful because they try to accommodate everyone and offend no one, but end up as boring, bland affairs.
In a slightly different example, at my previous job, we would try to plan outings and get-togethers as a group, and it usually went nowhere. We were so busy trying to be accommodating of each other's preferences and schedules that we could never reach a decision about where to go or when. So, in frustration, I would usually end up taking over and organizing the thing myself--picking a day, time, and place and issuing the decree/invitation. The funny thing is, no one resented it. In fact, they usually expressed gratitude that I had taken the reins and gotten the job done (although one of my co-workers did like to tease me and call me"the benevolent dictator").
It's that way with hosting a party, too. A host or hostess has to be a benevolent dictator. Of course, you always have your guests' needs and comfort in mind, and the whole point of throwing a party is for everyone to have fun. But at the same time, you have to be willing to make some potentially unpopular choices and stick to them. You have to be able to set a date and not change it just because your best friend can't come to the party. You have to be able to pick a menu that may not please everyone but that works for the majority of your guests. You have to be able to choose the entertainment or activity, knowing that not everyone will want to participate. And, in dire circumstances, you may have to be cold enough to cut someone who can't behave and follow the rules from your guest list (I'm thinking in particular of two men who said horribly insulting things to dear friends of mine right in front of me--they were never invited back).
If you have the courage of your convictions, you'll do well as a host or hostess and people will want to come back again and again. Jesse Browner states the principle well in his book The Duchess Who Wouldn't Sit Down: An Informal History of Hospitality, "What every host would do well to keep in mind is that people are generally only too happy to find a dominant force to surrender to. When a host is fully in control of every aspect of her hospitality, and when she exerts that control with skill, tact, and sensitivity, she can be confident that her guests will deliver themselves willingly, gratefully, into her serene authority."
In a slightly different example, at my previous job, we would try to plan outings and get-togethers as a group, and it usually went nowhere. We were so busy trying to be accommodating of each other's preferences and schedules that we could never reach a decision about where to go or when. So, in frustration, I would usually end up taking over and organizing the thing myself--picking a day, time, and place and issuing the decree/invitation. The funny thing is, no one resented it. In fact, they usually expressed gratitude that I had taken the reins and gotten the job done (although one of my co-workers did like to tease me and call me"the benevolent dictator").
It's that way with hosting a party, too. A host or hostess has to be a benevolent dictator. Of course, you always have your guests' needs and comfort in mind, and the whole point of throwing a party is for everyone to have fun. But at the same time, you have to be willing to make some potentially unpopular choices and stick to them. You have to be able to set a date and not change it just because your best friend can't come to the party. You have to be able to pick a menu that may not please everyone but that works for the majority of your guests. You have to be able to choose the entertainment or activity, knowing that not everyone will want to participate. And, in dire circumstances, you may have to be cold enough to cut someone who can't behave and follow the rules from your guest list (I'm thinking in particular of two men who said horribly insulting things to dear friends of mine right in front of me--they were never invited back).
If you have the courage of your convictions, you'll do well as a host or hostess and people will want to come back again and again. Jesse Browner states the principle well in his book The Duchess Who Wouldn't Sit Down: An Informal History of Hospitality, "What every host would do well to keep in mind is that people are generally only too happy to find a dominant force to surrender to. When a host is fully in control of every aspect of her hospitality, and when she exerts that control with skill, tact, and sensitivity, she can be confident that her guests will deliver themselves willingly, gratefully, into her serene authority."
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